Cavalcade of Whimsy
Nov. 9 - Week Ten
Jan 19, Part
1 - Oh those wacky coaches
Part 2 - The sucky 2009 season
7, The Marcell Dareus Issue
14, The Boise State Issue
21, MSU's Wild
28, Is Boise State the new Florida State or Miami?
Oct 5, Oh, that
wacky Les Miles
12, Why the
Brett Favre situation matters
19, Is Oklahoma
REALLY No. 1?
26, What if
all the underclassmen come back?
The Notre Dame Tragedy
Ten Part 2 - Breaking down every conference race
Sorry if this column sucks, it’s not my fault … I offered it up to Mississippi State for the low, low price of $180,000. Unfortunately, I don’t have any other teams willing to offer 200K for it.
“I got history of coffee tables, celebrities and their coffee tables.
It's a natural. This is a story that must be told.” … There’s no truth to the rumor that the Tim Tebow
inspirational memoir, ‘Through My Eyes,’ WILL BE WRITTEN IN SCREAMY ALL CAPS SO AS TO INSPIRE YOU TO GREAT THINGS SIMPLY BY BEING IN THE PRESENCE OF THE BOOK. I PROMISE,
IF YOU'RE FORTUNATE TO SPEND 5 OR 20 MINUTES AROUND
THE BOOK, YOU'LL BE BETTER FOR IT AND YOU WILL NEVER FIND ANY BOOK THAT WILL READ HARDER THAN THIS WILL!!! LET’S GO!! C’MON!!! GOD BLESS!!!
At least buy them dinner first … Boise State, you have permission to break something tasteful if you so desire.
No matter what you might think about the Broncos and whether or not they’re worthy to play for the national title, you do have to admit that they’re getting royally screwed. Quick, name the team that was ranked in the top five in a preseason poll, was still undefeated by November, and didn’t get to No. 1 after all the teams ranked higher lost. You can’t.
Tim Tebow ‘Through My Eyes’ inspirational memoir break: … “When choosing between the Small and the Extra Small spandex shirt, go with the Extra-Extra Small. God gave you those muscles and it’s a sin not to share His gifts with the world.”
“I did it all. I listened to the voices, I did what they told me, and not once did I ask what's in it for me.” … Boise State started the season preseason No. 3 in the AP Top 25 and No. 5 in the Coaches’ Poll. No. 1 in the AP poll, Alabama, has two losses, and No. 2, Ohio State, has lost. Meanwhile, the two other teams along with Alabama and Ohio State ranked ahead of BSU in the Coaches’ Poll were Florida and Texas. Oops.
Everyone asked Boise State to beat Virginia Tech on the road. It happened, and as it turns out, that was a road win over the best team in the ACC. Everyone asked Boise State to blow away Oregon State. It rolled 37-24 without breathing hard. Everyone asked for all the wins over all the lousy teams on the slate to be brutal bloodlettings, and the closest anyone has come outside of the two BCS conference teams was Louisiana Tech in a 49-20 BSU win, and the score was 28-7 at halftime and 49-13 before the Bulldogs scored on a 25-yard run with 44 seconds to play.
Boise State has won its six games against non-BCS teams by a combined score of 306 to 47, or an average of 51-8, despite taking the foot off the gas game after game. Last week, Kellen Moore had over 500 passing yards after three quarters against Hawaii before coming out. TCU has won its eight games over non-BCS teams by an average of 42-7. (BTW, this isn't an anti-TCU rant.)
“But the schedule stinks,” you cry. Boise State has played the 58th toughest schedule in America, tied with Wisconsin. TCU’s is 61st. No. 1 Oregon is 80th in strength of schedule.
Beyond the mere facts of this season, there was a reason the team was ranked so high at the start and given so much credit and respect. Everyone was back except for star corner Kyle Wilson from a team that went 14-0 in 2009, beat TCU in the Fiesta Bowl, and is now 34-1 going back to the end of 2007. This team has done everything it was supposed to. It has done everything expected. It has matched expectations each and every week, even with America waiting for the slightest slip of any kind, and by that, a 37-27 win would qualify. And yet, TCU is going to play for the national title if Oregon or Auburn slip, and Boise State won’t.
Tim Tebow ‘Through My Eyes’ inspirational memoir break: … “Just because the young boy you just circumcised scored better on the Wonderlic Test, it doesn’t mean you don’t have something to learn him.”
“Enough fighting! Let’s all have a Smurfy day!” … Look, Boise State, I know you like your gimmicky blue turf. I know it’s your signature, and I know it’s to you what a big butt is to Kim Kardashian and weight fluctuation is to Kirstie Alley, but if you want to really be big time, get a real field. If you want to be taken seriously, then act like you’re a real program and not some novelty. The headache inducing field makes Bronco games unwatchable.
Tim Tebow ‘Through My Eyes’ inspirational memoir break: … “When you’re having a bad day, just remember, I’ve worked with lepers. They don’t even have a TV to watch Gator games. And they smell worse than you do.”
“You two are divorced. So love failed. Two: Mom, you’re a New Ager, clinging to every scrap of Eastern religion that may justify why the above said love failed. Three: Dad, you're a slick, corporate, preppy-ass lawyer. I don't really have to say anything else about you do I dad? Four: You move from New York City, the Mecca and hub of the cultural world to Utah! Nowhere! To change nothing! More to perpetuate this cycle of greed, fascism and triviality. Your movement of the people, by and for the people got you... nothing!” … The world is buying in to TCU, but the Horned Frogs had better hope Utah rocks against Notre Dame, San Diego State, and BYU. If might not seem fair, but if the Utes lose any of those three games, all of a sudden, TCU will get the same treatment Boise State received after Virginia Tech gacked against James Madison.
Tim Tebow ‘Through My Eyes’ inspirational memoir break: … “When life, or the Florida State defense, has you down, and you get a little messy, wear the field paint proudly. Maybe someone will think you’re bleeding, and then you might make a new friend.”
“No wonder you're late. Why, this watch is exactly two days slow.” … This has nothing to do with LSU as a team (this goes for anyone in the same situation), but no, the Tigers cannot play in my national title unless they win the SEC Championship. BCS rulemakers, if you want to maintain any shred of integrity in your cockamamie system, you have to add the 2001 Nebraska/2003 Oklahoma rule that means you can’t play for the national title if you don’t win your conference championship, and you especially can’t go if you don’t win your division. So unless Auburn loses to Georgia and Alabama, and LSU wins out, then no. Absolutely not.
Tim Tebow ‘Through My Eyes’ inspirational memoir break: … “When choosing to
abstain from having premarital sex, make a particular point to not do it with the girl with the largest breasts. It will strengthen your resolve and make you more
interested in bashing your head into a 240-pound linebacker.”
Shhhh. If you listen quietly, you can hear the Michigan coaching staff not seeing that Illinois is going to run Mikel Leshoure in the wheel route AGAIN … For those of you who think that football can’t be interesting without a physical style of play and hard-hitting tackling, you didn’t see Michigan’s 67-65 triple overtime thriller over Illinois. This is the game that’ll be used as an example
of how much fun it can be when the official switch to Flag Football is made in 2016, once studies are complete on the effects of tackle football on cognitive function.
Tim Tebow ‘Through My Eyes’ inspirational memoir break: … “No job offers in six months? No health care for your children? Trying to do everything possible to avoid selling the house for 60% of what you paid for it? Then close your eyes, take a deep breath, say a prayer, and hear my voice … LET’S GO!!! C’MON!!! And now everything is fine.”
“D! D! D! You dumb mother****er.
Learn how to speak English first. D!”
… If I’m a Michigan fan, I’m jacked up right now. First of all, the Rich Rodriguez hot seat talk has to stop now, no matter what happens in the final three games against Purdue, Wisconsin, and Ohio State. The goal isn’t just to be decent, it’s to be a national powerhouse, and the rest of this season has nothing to do with that. Michigan will go to a bowl, and that’s the step that had to be taken; everything else is just gravy. If you want to fire him and get a new head coach, then you’re basically putting off being BCS Championship relevant again until 2014 at the earliest.
Taking the approach that the program is half full, the offense works. Kids, this is what you were buying when you brought the man in from West Virginia, and now you know that when you combine his attack with Michigan-level offensive players, very, very good things will happen. If the defense can do something, anything, then the makings are there for something potentially special. And it should be an easy sell.
Any good defensive recruit can look at Michigan and know there’s a chance at instant playing time. Of course, defensive coordinator Greg Robinson might not be there next year, but all that’ll matter to a freshman is a chance to step on the field from Day One and be a factor. If Michigan had a halfway decent D, and not the worst one in the Big Ten, the Rose Bowl would’ve been in the picture going into the last three weeks this year.
Tim Tebow ‘Through My Eyes’ inspirational memoir break: … “If you need to cry after your national title dream gets blown away by Alabama, just let it go. Let it go. Let it go.”
“There are things on your boat that no one has ever seen. These shells, the music box and the reflecting glass. Well, if not from dry land, then where? Where?” … To be simplistic with the math, if you started your head coaching career next fall, you would have to win ten games a year FOR THE NEXT 40 SEASONS to match what Joe Paterno has just accomplished
winning his 400th game. Forget college football, we’ll be too worried about fighting off the Smokers in 2051.
They’ve improved upon the contact lens since then … Alright, fine. I’ll do it. Deep breath now … go (and, by the way, notice how the
true cupcakes were kept to a minimum).
1966: Maryland, Boston College, at West Virginia, California, at Pitt
1967: at Miami, at Boston College, West Virginia, at Syracuse, at Maryland, NC State, Ohio. Pitt.
1968: Navy, Kansas State, at West Virginia, at UCLA, at Boston College, Army, Miami, at Maryland, at Pitt, Syracuse, Kansas (Orange Bowl)
1969: at Navy, Colorado, at Kansas State, West Virginia, at Syracuse, Ohio, Boston College, Maryland, at Pitt, at NC State, Missouri (Orange Bowl)
1970: Navy, at Boston College, at Army, West Virginia, at Maryland, Ohio, Pitt
1971: at Navy, at Iowa, Air Force, Army, at Syracuse, TCU, at West Virginia, Maryland, NC State, at Pitt, Texas (Cotton Bowl)
1972: Navy, Iowa, at Illinois, at Army, Syracuse, at West Virginia, Maryland, NC State, at Boston College, Pitt
1973: at Stanford, at Navy, Iowa, at Air Force, Army, at Syracuse, West Virginia, at Maryland, NC State, Ohio, Pitt, LSU (Orange Bowl)
1974: Stanford, at Iowa, at Army, Wake Forest, Syracuse, at West Virginia, Maryland, Ohio, Pitt, Baylor (Cotton Bowl)
1975: Temple, Stanford, at Iowa, Kentucky, West Virginia, at Syracuse, Army, at Maryland, at Pitt
1976: Stanford, Army, Syracuse, at West Virginia, at Temple, NC State, Miami
1977: Rutgers, Houston, Maryland, Utah State, at Syracuse, West Virginia, Miami, at NC State, Temple at Pitt, Arizona State
1978: at Temple, Rutgers, at Ohio State, SMU, TCU, at Kentucky, Syracuse, at West Virginia, Maryland, NC State, Pitt
1979: Rutgers, at Maryland, Army, Syracuse, West Virginia, at NC State, Temple, Tulane (Liberty Bowl)
1980: Colgate, at Texas A&M, at Missouri, at Maryland, Syracuse, at West Virginia, Miami, NC State, at Temple, Ohio State (Fiesta Bowl)
1981: Cincinnati, at Nebraska, Temple, Boston College, at Syracuse, West Virginia, at NC State, Notre Dame, at Pitt, USC (Fiesta Bowl)
1982: Temple, Maryland, Rutgers, Nebraska, Syracuse, at West Virginia, at Boston College, NC State, at Notre Dame, Pitt, Georgia (Sugar Bowl)
1983: Temple, Rutgers, Alabama, at Syracuse, West Virginia, Brown, Notre Dame, Washington (Aloha Bowl)
1984: Rutgers, at Iowa, William & Mary, Maryland, Syracuse, Boston College
1985: at Maryland, Temple, East Carolina, Rutgers, Alabama, at Syracuse, West Virginia, Boston College, Cincinnati, Notre Dame, at Pitt
1986: Temple, Boston College, East Carolina, Rutgers, Cincinnati, Syracuse, at Alabama, at West Virginia, Maryland, at Notre Dame, Pitt, Miami (Fiesta Bowl)
1987: Bowling Green, Cincinnati, Boston College, Temple, Rutgers, West Virginia, Maryland, Notre Dame
1988: At Virginia, Boston College, Temple, Cincinnati, Maryland
1989: Temple, Boston College, Texas, at Rutgers, at Syracuse, West Virginia, at Pitt, BYU (Holiday Bowl)
1990: Rutgers, Temple, Syracuse, at Boston College, at Alabama, at West Virginia, Maryland, at Notre Dame, Pitt
1991: Georgia Tech, Cincinnati, BYU, Boston College, Temple, Rutgers, West Virginia, Maryland, Notre Dame, at Pitt, Tennessee (Fiesta Bowl)
1992: at Cincinnati, Temple, Eastern Michigan, Maryland, Rutgers, at West Virginia, Pitt
1993: Minnesota, USC, at Iowa, Rutgers, at Maryland, Indiana, Illinois, at Northwestern, at Michigan State, Tennessee (Citrus Bowl)
1994: Minnesota, USC, Iowa, Rutgers, at Temple, at Michigan, Ohio State, at Indiana, at Illinois, Northwestern, Michigan State, Oregon (Rose Bowl)
1995: Texas Tech, Temple, Rutgers, at Purdue, at Iowa, Indiana, Michigan at Michigan State, Auburn (Hall of Fame Bowl)
1996: USC, Louisville, NIU, Temple, at Wisconsin, Purdue, at Indiana, Northwestern, at Michigan, Michigan State, Texas (Fiesta Bowl)
1997: Pitt, Temple, at Louisville, at Illinois, Ohio State, Minnesota, at Northwestern, at Purdue, Wisconsin
1998: Southern Miss, Bowling Green, Pitt, at Minnesota, Purdue, Illinois, Northwestern, Michigan State, Kentucky (Outback Bowl)
1999: Arizona, Akron, Pitt, at Miami, Indiana, at Iowa, Ohio State, at Purdue, at Illinois, Texas A&M (Alamo Bowl)
2000: Louisiana Tech, Purdue, Illinois, Indiana, Michigan State
2001: at Northwestern, Ohio State, Southern Miss, Indiana, at Michigan State
2002: UCF, Nebraska, Louisiana Tech, at Wisconsin, Northwestern, Illinois, Virginia, at Indiana, Michigan State
2003: Temple, Kent State, Indiana
2004: Akron, UCF, Indiana, Michigan State
2005: South Florida, Cincinnati, Central Michigan, at Northwestern, Minnesota, Ohio State, at Illinois, Purdue, Wisconsin, at Michigan State, Florida State (Orange Bowl)
2006: Akron, Youngstown State, Northwestern, at Minnesota, Illinois, at Purdue, Temple, Michigan State, Tennessee (Outback Bowl)
2007: FIU, Notre Dame, Buffalo, Iowa, Wisconsin, Indiana, Purdue, at Temple, Texas A&M (Alamo Bowl)
2008: Coastal Carolina, Oregon State, at Syracuse, Temple, Illinois, at Purdue, at Wisconsin, Michigan, at Ohio State, Indiana, Michigan State
2009: Akron, Syracuse, Temple, at Illinois, Eastern Illinois, Minnesota, at Michigan, at Northwestern, Indiana, at Michigan State, LSU (Capital One Bowl)
2010: Youngstown State, Kent State, Temple, at Minnesota, Michigan, Northwestern
But Wisniewski isn’t an issue … A polite and gentle request to Penn State running back Stepfan Green. Please change your first name, or just go by Step Green, to make my life easier when I brain cramp every time I try to write it. Much obliged.
Tim Tebow ‘Through My Eyes’ inspirational memoir break: … “When choosing between the lite mayo and the regular, go with the regular. You’ve earned it. Yes, YOU have. Besides, you’ll need the extra calories when you throw an extra plate on the bar.”
Like Ike would’ve allowed a BCS … if the world ended at this exact moment, this would be the first time since 1960, and the only time in the history of the AP poll, that USC, Notre Dame, Texas, Georgia, Tennessee, and Michigan weren’t ranked.
Tim Tebow ‘Through My Eyes’ inspirational memoir break: … “It’s easy to grin, when your ship has come in, and you’ve got the stock market beat. But the man worthwhile, is the man who can smile, when his shorts are too tight in the seat.”
And I’m still pushing for GameDay to come broadcast from my breakfast nook, but I ran out of Eggos. … It’s Year Two, Week Ten of my open lobbying of the ESPN College Football Final show guys to give me a helmet sticker and the signed T-shirt, suitable for framing. Why do I deserve one this week? I don’t. Others
should get the attention of the last few weeks after the senseless
loss of Declan Sullivan, Eric LeGrand’s spinal
injury, and now another kick in the gut with the tragic death of Mississippi
State’s Nick Bell following surgery to remove a
deadly, cancerous mass in his brain.
By the way, Rutgers has established the “Eric LeGrand Believe Fund” at
Ten Part 2 - Breaking down every conference race