Cavalcade of Whimsy
Feb. 12, 2013
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- Feb. 12 - The Paterno Family
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And I'm now pushing for the 2016 national championship – or at least one of the playoff games - to be played in my basement. But only if no one touches the fort I spent a solid 19 minutes constructing in an ill-fated attempt to entertain my youngest kid. … It's Week One of my 2013 impossible quest to be on the committee that helps pick the playoff teams next year to end the 2014 season. Why do I deserve a spot? I'm the most qualified human being on the planet for one of the 14-to-20 jobs – including being
ready, willing and able to take the abuse the committee members will have to deal with.
Knowing that the committee will be made up of conference lackeys and a few assorted dignitaries, and knowing that my chances of getting on the committee as the same as bringing my one-man extravaganza – Fiuyoncé: The Show With So Much Butt, You Can See It From The Front – to the Super Bowl
halftime stage, at the very least I demand that the guys who pick the final four teams for the playoff know their stuff.
Below is a 20-question test that any committee member has to come close to acing to earn his stripes. Go for it – WITHOUT GOOGLING and without peeking at the answers below – and see if you can get through the college football version of the Wonderlic, only without the math questions involving trains leaving different stations at the same time.
1. How many FBS college football teams are there going into the 2013 season?
2. Name the two new schools in the ACC.
3. What divisions are they in?
4. What school is moving to the ACC in 2014?
5. What two schools are moving to the Big Ten in 2014?
6. Name at least three of the new Big East schools.
7. Name the six teams in each of the two Big Ten divisions.
*If you get this right, you beat everyone I asked at Big Ten media days.
8. The SEC has won ___ BCS championships in a row.
9. What ten teams played in the 2013 BCS games?
10. What ten teams played in the 2012 BCS games?
11. Name the four teams in the 2012 men's basketball Final Four?
*Sort of a cleanse-the-palate question. It's always shocking how many people can never get this right and have no shot at the Final Four from two years ago. People will remember the four teams in the 2015 football playoff, and even more people will remember the No. 5 team that got left out.
12. San Jose State finished 21st in the AP rankings. The returning starting quarterback's name is …?
13. Utah State finished 16th in the AP rankings. The returning starting quarterback's name is …?
14. Okay, smart guy … Alabama, Oregon, Ohio State, Notre Dame, Georgia,
Texas A&M, Stanford, South Carolina, Florida,
Clemson, Louisville, LSU, Utah State, Northwestern,
Boise State, Texas, Oregon State, San Jose State,
Northern Illinois, Michigan and Nebraska all
finished in the AP top 25. You want to vote for the top teams? You have to at least know the names of the top returning starting quarterbacks. Go.
15. Bonus question – and there's wiggle room on this because the positions are hardly set. Name the possible starting quarterback options for
at least two of the other final AP top 25 teams of 2012: Florida State, Kansas State, Oklahoma, Vanderbilt.
16. What conference is Old Dominion in?
17. Name the Mountain West divisions?
18. Well done. Name the teams in the two Mountain West divisions?
*Fine, I admit it. I got this right, but I had to guess on two of the teams.
19. The 2014 BCS championship will be played in … ?
20. Are you truly prepared to be harassed, verbally assaulted, bothered, abused,
questioned, ridiculed, lobbied, texted, and Googled
while giving up any semblance of a private life?
THE ANSWERS are below: How did you do?
20 out of 20: Unplug. Have you ever kissed a girl?
17-19: The average CFN reader. Now go back to work, porn, driving or all of the above.
15-18: Yes, you can be on the committee to pick the four playoff teams to end the 2014 season. However, you got too many wrong, so you don't get to whine when they bring in Papa John's on Selection Sunday.
11-14: Solid work. You got the basketball questions wrong and there's no way you nailed the Mountain West killer.
8-10: It's only February; you're forgiven. Use the next six months on more college football, less The Chew.
4-7: Congratulations. You probably got more right than most of the future 14-to-20 committee members.
0-3: Bleacher Report on line two.
1. 126. There were 124 teams last season, and now Old Dominion and Georgia State are in.
2. New Big East schools: Syracuse and Pitt
3. Syracuse is in the Atlantic, Pitt is in the Coastal
4. New ACC school in 2014: Louisville
5. New Big Ten schools in 2014: Maryland and Rutgers
6. New Big East schools: Houston, Memphis, SMU, UCF
7. Leaders: Illinois, Indiana, Ohio State, Penn State, Purdue, Wisconsin. Legends: Iowa, Michigan, Michigan State, Minnesota, Nebraska, Northwestern
8. The SEC has won seven BCS championships in a row – Florida in 2005, LSU, Florida, Alabama, Auburn, Alabama, Alabama.
9. The 2013 BCS matchups. BCS: Alabama over Notre Dame; Sugar: Louisville over Florida; Rose: Stanford over Wisconsin; Fiesta: Oregon over Kansas State; Orange: Florida State over Northern Illinois
10. The 2012 BCS matchups. BCS: Alabama over LSU; Sugar: Michigan over Virginia Tech; Rose: Oregon over Wisconsin; Fiesta: Oklahoma State over Stanford; Orange: West Virginia over Clemson
11. The 2012 men's basketball Final Four. Kentucky, Kansas, Louisville, Ohio State. By the way, 2011 was UConn, Butler, Virginia Commonwealth, Kentucky
12. San Jose State's returning starting quarterback: David Fales.
13. Utah State's returning starting quarterback: Chuckie Keeton.
14. Returning starting quarterbacks: Alabama (AJ McCarron), Oregon (Marcus Mariota), Ohio State (Braxton Miller), Notre Dame (Everett Golson), Georgia (Aaron Murray), Texas A&M (Johnny Manziel), Stanford (Kevin Hogan), South Carolina (Connor Shaw,
but Dylan Thompson will be counted), Florida (Jeff Driskel), Clemson (Tajh Boyd), Louisville (Teddy Bridgewater), LSU (Zach Mettenberger), Utah State (Chuckie Keeton), Northwestern (both Trevor Siemian and Kain Colter are acceptable), Boise State (Joe Southwick), Texas (David Ash), Oregon State (Sean Mannion and Cody Vaz are acceptable), San Jose State (David Fales),
Northern Illinois (Jordan Lynch), Michigan (Devin
Gardner) and Nebraska (Taylor Martinez).
15. Name the possible starting quarterback options for at least
two of the other final AP top 25 teams of 2012: Florida State (Clint Trickett), Kansas State (Daniel Sams or Sam Johnson), Oklahoma (Blake Bell), Vanderbilt (Austyn Carta-Samuels).
16. Sort of a trick question. Old Dominion is an independent
for football only, but will be in Conference USA in 2014.
17. Two Mountain West divisions: Mountain and West
18. Teams in the Mountain West divisions. Mountain: Air Force, Boise State, Colorado State, New Mexico, Utah State, Wyoming. West: Fresno State, Hawaii, Nevada, San Diego State, San Jose State, UNLV
19. The 2014 BCS championship will be played in the Rose Bowl
20. Are you prepared? No, you're not.
- Feb. 12 - The Paterno Family
Report, All-Name Recruiting Team & More