Cavalcade of Whimsy
Nov. 19, Part 1
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August 27 - Kickoff Cavalcade |
Sept. 3 - Enter Jameis Winston
Sept. 10 - Trying To Quit Texas |
Sept. 17 - Trying To Help The NCAA
Sept. 24 - Cupcake Saturday Fiasco | Oct. 1
- The Lane Kiffin Aftermath
- Oct. 8
- Cavalcade of Condi |
Oct. 15 - The Midseason With The QB
Oct. 22 - Fiu crashing the committee |
Nov 5 - The Fan Bill of Rights
- Nov. 5 - Really, what did Ohio State do wrong?
12 - AJ McCarron REALLY a Heisman contender?
Cavalcade of Whimsy - Nov. 19
- Part 2, Johnny Manziel's 2nd Heisman?
Sorry if this column sucks, it's not my fault … I went for the pick – it's what I've trained all my life to do – missed, and bad, bad things ensued.
"Oh, see, I made Louis a bet here. See, Louis bet me that we couldn't both get rich and put y'all in the poor house at the same time. He didn't think we could do it. I won." ... "Before we broke the huddle, Ricardo Lewis (note: intentionally leaving the Auburn-transcribed spelling as is, because I've made the exact same mistake at least 19 times in the last 72 hours) looked me in the eye and said throw me the ball. We broke the huddle, and I went through all my reads. He had a step on a defender and I had to deliver the ball. He just came out with an awesome catch for us." – QB Nick Marshall
It was a badly underthrown pass that should've been picked off or knocked down, and there wasn't anything designed or coached about the actual completion of the play. Marshall didn't "deliver" the ball as much as he threw a football far and amazing things happened when Ricardo Louis made a phenomenal play to keep his concentration and make the grab.
Of course, the entire thing was totally and completely dumb luck – and I'm not saying that as a bad thing, because you need those once in a while to survive the SEC waters.
With all that said, if Marshall rocks and rolls against Alabama, and if he pulls out the win and goes on to take the Tigers to an SEC championship, even though it was Louis who did 77% of the work on the play, a Heisman finalist spot has to be in the discussion.
Gus Malzahn has been phenomenal. He's adapting and adjusting on a game-to-game basis to almost perfection – this team doesn't seem like it's playing the same game two weeks in a row. I don't care how it's done, and I don't care how many miracle plays you need, if it's November 20something and you're an SEC team with a 10-1 record, you're doing something phenomenal.
Soy un perdedor ... It could be worse, Georgia. You could be Northwestern.
How's this for the last six weeks?
- Losing to great team in tough battle. You have the puck on your stick at home in front of the entire sports-watching world with a chance to beat Ohio State, and you lose after failing to convert a fourth down play that could've gone either way.
- Losing to tough team in a bad matchup. Demoralized, the lifeless Wildcats, coming off a physical beating of a game, faced a rested Wisconsin team coming off a bye and was steamrolled 35-6.
- Losing by screwing up. NU outplayed Minnesota, but turned it over three times with one of the picks going for a touchdown.
- Losing in overtime. The Wildcats had all the momentum with a 10-0 run in the second half to force overtime against Iowa. The dead Hawkeye offense got a touchdown in the extra frame; NU took a sack on fourth down.
- Losing on horrific bad luck. Down 24-21, Nebraska quarterback Ron Kellogg underthrows his Hail Mary, it gets tipped up in the air and into the arms of Jordan Westerkamp for the improbable win.
- Losing to mediocre superpower on an improbable field goal with 0:00 flickering that sent the game to three overtimes and failing to come up through on the final possession. Michigan 27, Northwestern 19.
Up next? Michigan State. Northwestern is scheduled to lose by being run over by a herd of wild holiday shopping Wal-Mart moms, and then, to close out the season, the loss to Illinois will come as kicker Jeff Budzien, one of the most reliable in America, misses a field goal after being distracted by a fan belting out his off-key rendition of "Party In The U.S.A."
But thanks, T-Mobile, for the "want to fool around" punchline that pushed out the Greg Marmalard/Mandy Pepperidge moment in the horrendous Hyde Park On Hudson as the ickiest bell from this weekend I'm unable to unring ... If the Jeremy T-Mobile problem stems from using his cell phone out of the country and unknowingly running up massive bills, why don't the parents just call him on that phone and tell him to stop using it?
67 days since … the Yahoo sports allegations against D.J. Fluker, Tyler Bray, Maurice Couch, Fletcher Cox and Chad Bumphis, along with the Sports Illustrated allegations against Oklahoma State.
See, the sea wants to take me/The knife wants to slit me/Do you think you can help me? ... What if it's really over? What if there aren't any more curveballs? What if we really do get the unresolved Sopranos ending? Here's how every BCS conversation I've had over the last several weeks has gone.
Radio or TV guy: "The BCS always works itself out."
Fiu: "Yeah, I know, but what if it doesn't?"
Radio or TV guy: "But it always does."
Fiu: "But what if it doesn't? Ask 2004 Auburn and 2009 Cincinnati."
Radio or TV guy: "But it always does."
Fiu: "Even if there are three unbeaten teams from BCS conferences, the system is a disastrous failure."
Radio or TV guy: "But it always works out."
Fiu: "I'm (while crinkling paper) … you're … breaking up … going through … tunnel."
"In my country, they would go crazy for these two. This one … not so much." ... So now Urban Meyer is upset with the BCS system and he's already whining about College Football Playoff? Yeah, it's not fair that Ohio State is going to be left out of the BCS championship mix, and it's not fair that Baylor can beat everyone by 93 points, do absolutely everything right, and still not have any shot at the national title, but that's the deal for the 2013 season, and there's no right answer.
Ohio State beat Wisconsin, who has beaten absolutely no one except BYU. Ohio State didn't beat Clemson in Death Valley 51-14 and didn't whack an unbeaten Miami – with a healthy Duke Johnson – 41-14. It didn't beat Texas A&M in College Station and it didn't beat LSU by 21. It didn't beat Oklahoma by 29 points and it only beat Buffalo by 20, not 57 – again, not fair, but that's the deal.
If things keep on rolling and everyone wins out, two BCS conference teams won't get to play for the BCS championship. Unfortunately for the Buckeyes, simply being unbeaten over the last two years against a mediocre schedule isn't enough.
(in O voice, not O face) Thiswasagreatwinforthesekidsand (deep breath) forUSCI'msoproudofwhattheydidandthisshowstheirfightingspirit ... Yeah, Ed Orgeron showed the stones to call the big fourth down play that kept USC's game-winning drive alive against Stanford, but in the post-game reaction, how about giving a little more love to Cody Kessler for delivering the throw and to Marqise Lee for a fantastic catch? The execution wasn't a walk in the park against that defense.
USC will really and truly be USC again when the fan base doesn't feel the need to storm the field after beating Stanford ... And now Pat Haden has a problem. Orgeron is a loveable character and a peerless recruiter, but he might be the type of coach who can win you a national title as a top-shelf assistant, but be just okay as a head man. Haden might want to hire a better head coaching prospect, like a Jack Del Rio, and anyone he brings in has to not only win – any coach at USC has to win and win big, no matter what – he has to do it without any grace period whatsoever. USC still needs another few years to fully stock the depth again after the NCAA sanctions, but O has set the bar way too high for a fan base that might quickly forget what unrealistically high expectations – like 2011 – can mean.
Also, remember, he hasn't been charged with anything ... It doesn't matter when the timing of the Jameis Winston report came out. It doesn't matter that it was TMZ that broke the story, even if TMZ likes to make it all about TMZ. It doesn't matter that it just so happened that Florida State is steamrolling to a BCS championship berth and that Winston is a mortal lock to win the Heisman. Florida State football doesn't matter. The Heisman doesn't matter. All that matters is the truth, and while that will all hopefully come out definitively one way or another in this case, all that matters is the alleged victim.
All week long I've been asked on radio shows about what first came to mind when I heard about the TMZ report. To be totally honest, without knowing any facts of the case whatsoever, my first thought was that the story will soon be about the college town police department. My second thought was annoyance, because I knew at some point in the process I'd end up having to deal with an angry segment of the Florida State fan base that doesn't want anything bad to happen to their fun football season. Sadly, I'm ashamed that my third thought in the process is the one that should've been top-of-mind: Elizabeth Seeberg.
"It means the game! Atta boy, DiMaggio! Hit the dirt! Slide, DiMaggio, slide!" ... Announcers, former players and coaches, talking heads, stop saying that you love to see it when a star quarterback is running down the field throwing a block. No, if you're Jimbo Fisher, you pull No. 5 aside this week and you tell the franchise to never, ever, ever risk life, limb and season to throw a block unless it's on the final play of the BCS championship.
She has never, ever, ever eaten a Carl's Jr. Buffalo Blue Cheese Burger ... 18-of-32 for 187 yards and two touchdowns and two picks. Sure, AJ McCarron's worth goes beyond mere statistics, but at some point, us Heisman types have to be able to go back to our shareholders and sell a mediocre performance against Mississippi State.
"So please please please
let me, let me, let me
let me get what I want
this time" … Welcome to my shameless and impossible quest to be on the committee that helps pick the playoff. Why do I deserve a spot? I deserve a break. My order had been waiting for 45 minutes to be picked up, so I cranked up the SlingBox after Murray's touchdown run, just in case Auburn did something magical, and ran out to go get dinner. My stream was buffered just as Josh Harvey-Clemons and Tray Matthews started playing volleyball. By the time the feed came back, Jordan-Hare was up for grabs.
Cavalcade of Whimsy - Nov. 19
- Part 2, Johnny Manziel's 2nd Heisman?