Cavalcade Part 2 - Every Team's Holiday List
Oklahoma LB Curtis Lofton
Oklahoma LB Curtis Lofton
Posted Dec 18, 2007

Part Two of the Cavalcade of Whimsy, the Holiday Wish List for all 119 teams.

Fiu's Cavalcade of Whimsy

a.k.a. Frank Costanza's Festivus Airing of the Grievances

By Pete Fiutak   
What's your beef? ... E-mail with your thoughts  
Past Whimsies
2006 Season | Preseason Part One, Part Two | Week 1
2 | Week 3 | Week 4 | Week 5 | Week 6 | Week 7 | Week 8
Week 9 | Week 10 | Week 11, Part 1 | Week 11, Part 2 | Week 12
Week 13 | Week 14 | Week 15

December 18 Cavalcade Part One

Part Two of this week's Cavalcade of Whimsy ... Every team's holiday wish list. Since Christmas is next Tuesday, the Cavalcade will be back in two weeks. Have a great holiday. Enjoy the nog.

The 4th Annual Christmas/Festivus/Hanukkah wish list for all 119 teams this holiday season. To ...
Air Force: Troy Calhoun to stick around at least half as long as Fisher DeBerry did.
Akron: QB Chris Jacquemain to be able to throw with some semblance of consistency.
Alabama: Nick Saban to start to coach like Nick Saban and not Mike Shula.
Arizona: The offense to play all of 2008 like it did in the first half of the Oregon win.
Arizona State: Dennis Erickson to realize just how much coaching in the NFL sucks.
Arkansas: Bobby Petrino to last at least one year before interviewing for another job.
Arkansas State: A defensive lineman who can get into the backfield, and an offensive lineman who can prevent the quarterback from getting blasted.
Army: Carson Williams to throw more like Carson Palmer than Carson Kressley.
Auburn: Seven in a row against you-know-who.
Ball State: Nate Davis to live up to the growing buzz.
Baylor: Art Briles to bring the first winning season since 1995 (back in the Southwest Conference days).
Boise State: Chris Petersen to enjoy where he’s at.
Boston College:
Head coach Jeff Jagodzinski to be able to work his quarterback magic on Matt Ryan’s replacement.
Bowling Green: Tyler Sheehan to have just scratched the surface on how good he can become.
BYU: An undefeated September.
Buffalo: Nebraska to be the only one to give Turner Gill an honest shot at a bigger gig.
California: An extra time out vs. Oregon State.
Central Michigan: To play half as well out of conference as it does in the MAC.
Cincinnati: That new contract extension for head coach Brian Kelly signed to actually mean something.
To play up to the talent level from the start of the ACC season to the finish.
Colorado: To be as good as Boise State.
Colorado State:
A defense that doesn’t get steamrolled over and can get into the backfield.
An offense that doesn’t need its defense to score.
David Cutcliffe to have the same success he had at Ole Miss before being unfairly dumped.
East Carolina: A lockdown cover-corner.
Eastern Michigan:
The baby steps taken this year to be the launching pad to the first winning season since 1995 and the second since 1989.
Florida Atlantic:
Miami players who want to stay at home to start to realize Da U is a dead program walking.
FIU: A remotely efficient passer and more Golden Dazzlers with FIU on their chests (oh wait, that's my holiday list)
A running back so Tim Tebow doesn’t have to carry the ball 194 times again.
Florida State:
Jimbo Fisher to unearth some semblance of a consistent running game.
Fresno State:
June Jones and Chris Petersen to move on to bigger and better things.
A fifth overtime in the Tennessee-Kentucky game.
Georgia Tech: Paul Johnson to not scrap the triple-option.
Georgia to take the Sugar Bowl as seriously as Oklahoma took the 2007 Fiesta Bowl.
The program to be half as good as new head coach Kevin Sumlin thinks it can be.
A defensive stop.
Illinois: Satan to wait a few years before soul payment is due.
Indiana: A donation to be made to the American Brain Tumor Association 
A wee bit of pass defense against Western Michigan.
Iowa State: Gene Chizik to not be Greg Robinson.
Kansas: The schedule to remain as soft and squishy as (too easy … it’s the holidays so I'll let it go).
Kansas State:
An emergency brake to prevent another second half of the season train wreck.
Kent State: A healthy Julian Edelman for a full season.
Kentucky: For the program to not wake up and realize he’s still Rich Brooks.
UL Lafayette:
A wee bit of a passing offense to keep the heat off the running game.
UL Monroe: To play as well over the first two months of the season as it does in November.
Louisiana Tech:
A conference with a better geographical fit.
The Tulsa version of Steve Kragthorpe.
A fourth overtime.
Bob Pruett to be sick of retirement.
Maryland: The team to play up to its talent level for more than two games in a row.
Memphis: A punt of more than 30 yards.
Miami: An invite back to the Big East.
Miami University:
An offense that can score more than 20 points a few games in a row. 
Rich Rodriguez to be better than he was at West Virginia.
Michigan State: Mark Dantonio to stick around long enough for the program to challenge for the Big Ten title.
Middle Tennessee: A clutch Sun Belt win.
Minnesota: For Tim Brewster to work that supposed recruiting magic to field a night-and-day better defense.
Ole Miss: Darren McFadden to transfer to play for the Nutt for one more year.
Mississippi State:
An offense that doesn’t need the defense to save the day time and again.
Curtis Lofton to turn pro.
Ken Niumatalolo to be half as good as Paul Johnson.
Nebraska: A return to the good old days, “enhanced” linemen and all.
Nevada: Chris Ault to start coaching like the Hall of Famer he is.
New Mexico: A really, really big win, preferably in a bowl game, under Rocky Long.
New Mexico State:
The Hal Mumme experience to actually start to work.
North Carolina:
At least one really, really big year before Butch Davis bails.
NC State: To be as good as Boston College.
North Texas: Some semblance of a defense and the passing game to consistently do what it did against SMU and Navy.
Northern Illinois: For Jerry Kill to make Northern as good as Southern.
Better lines and one late defensive stop against Duke.
Notre Dame: An offensive line that doesn’t get its quarterbacks killed.
Ohio: Three more years of eligibility for Kalvin McRae.
Ohio State: All SEC football and basketball teams to go on probation.
Oklahoma: To play up to its talent level for a full season.
Oklahoma State: More Jenni Carlson articles that tick off Mike Gundy and a bucket of Bobby Reid’s mom’s chicken (oh wait, that’s my Christmas list again).
Oregon: A strong anterior cruciate ligament, and a heart once that ACL tears.
Oregon State: A donation to the National Kidney Foundation.
Penn State: Joe Paterno to follow the lead of Barry Alvarez and Bobby Bowden on how to have an easy transfer of power.
Pitt: A passing attack to take the heat off LeSean McCoy. 
Purdue: A win over someone with a pulse.
Rice: Chase Clement’s efforts to not go to waste.
Rutgers: For the program to live up to half the expectations Greg Schiano has for it.
San Diego State: Chuck Long to be better, faster.
San Jose State: The 2006 version of the Dick Tomey defense.
South Carolina: The Florida version of Steve Spurrier, not the Washington Redskin kind.
South Florida: More No. 2 rankings where that came from.
SMU: The boosters to say, “Ah screw it,” and go back to what made the program great in the 1980s.
Southern Miss: Larry Fedora to actually get a win or two against anyone, any place and anytime.
Stanford: A few Pac 10 players for Jim Harbaugh to work with.
The Paul Pasqualoni era to not be remembered as the good old days.
TCU: To play as well when there are a few expectations as it does when no one is paying attention.
Temple: Just a little more time. This might be another Rutgers waiting to happen.
Tennessee: That one Erik Ainge throw back.
Texas: That old recruiting magic to kick back in again and some coaches to figure out how to stop someone from chucking the ball at will.
Tulsa: Gus Mahlzahn to be around for one more year to keep the offense going.
Texas A&M: The rest of the Big 12 to not use “It’s Mike Sherman” in recruiting.
Texas Tech: Graham Harrell to start to receive the same respect for his numbers that Colt Brennan got for his.
Toledo: A defensive play made in the backfield.
Troy: A redo of the third quarter against Florida Atlantic.
Tulane: Production from the next three starting running backs to equal Matt Forte’s 2007 season.
UAB: A single stop against a halfway decent running team.
UCF: Kevin Smith to decide another year in Orlando is better than jumping early to the league of mercenaries.
UCLA: A healthy skill position player, and for the entire program to be half as good as the fan base thinks it should be.
UNLV: More defensive players like Beau Bell.
USC: All the top recruits to start playing like top recruits week in and week out.
Utah: A better defensive scheme on fourth and 18.
Utah State: The two-game winning streak at the end of 2007 to be the start, and not an aberration.
UTEP: A November win of significance.
Vanderbilt: A sixth win.
Virginia: The magic pixie dust in every close game this year to carry over to 2008.
Virginia Tech: The BCS types to retroactively decide that the computer rankings should count for 90% of the formula.
Wake Forest: Jim Grobe to really, really like Winston-Salem.
Washington: Two completed passes in a row from Jake Locker.
Washington State: Eastern Washington’s offensive success. 
West Virginia: Heimlich maneuver lessons.
Western Michigan: The team that showed up against Iowa to do the same thing in the MAC.
Wisconsin: A healthy wide receiver. 
Wyoming: The September of 2007 and the October and November of 2006.

December 18 Cavalcade Part One