Fiu's Daily Cavalcade of
Whimsy
Alabama's Vacated Wins ... June 11
a.k.a.
Frank Costanza's Festivus Airing of the Grievances ... or the obvious attempt to keep readers coming to the site on a
regular basis during the off-season.
By
Pete Fiutak
Yes, I'm part of
the problem. You can check me out at
twitter.com/CFN_Fiu for my daily random musings
What's your beef? ... Fire
off your
thoughts
"A lifetime of working in a nuclear power
plant has given me a healthy green glow. And left me as impotent as a
Nevada boxing commissioner. And now that I'm back to normal, I don't
bring you peace and love. I bring you fear, famine, and pestilence." ...
Alabama, here's how you handle the situation with the NCAA,
who's forcing you to vacate as many as 21 wins from 2005 to 2007 after
you voluntarily reported violations regarding the improper selling of
textbooks by a few players. Here's your official statement you release
to the media. Use one simple word.
"Whatever."
The
Virginia Tech game is on September 5th.
Or how about taking this
tactic, Bama, and just say no. The conversation would go something like
this.
NCAA: "Alabama, you must vacate all 21 wins accumulated
from 2005 to 2007."
Alabama: "No."
NCAA: "Uh, yes, you
must vacate the wins. That's your punishment."
Alabama: "No."
NCAA: "Do it, or we're taking away some of your scholarships."
Alabama: "No you won't."
NCAA: "That's it, we're taking away
scholarships."
Alabama: "No you're not. We're going to allow the
same number of players to attend our school that we always have. We're
not going to charge them tuition and we're going to let them stay in the
dorms and get their room and board for free. Now go away."
NCAA:
"Pleeeeeeease vacate your wins. Pleeeeeeease."
Alabama: "Go get
us a latte. Skim. One Splenda."
NCAA: "You want a muffin with
that?"
The idea of the NCAA forcing programs like Alabama,
Oklahoma, and Florida State to vacate wins is flawed at best, gutless at
worst. First of all, the NCAA should have nothing to do with this in the
first place. It's a school matter that should be handled by the
University of Alabama. Period. Some of the players were suspended for a
time and the school was able to properly find the violation itself and
deal accordingly. For the NCAA to come in after the fact and dole out
some extra punishment that's not really a punishment is the equivalent
of threatening to take away a snotty kid's cupcake after he had already
eaten it and spent an hour in time out.
Does 2007 Vanderbilt
become bowl eligible now? Is Colorado awarded the 2007 Independence
Bowl? And how about we redo the BCS rankings for 2006, because if the
NCAA is going to force Alabama to vacate the wins, then the losses also
can't count on the books, meaning Florida went 12-1 in 2006 and Michigan
retroactively deserves the shot at Ohio State in the 2007 BCS
Championship.
And while you're feeling strong, NCAA, and you're
doling out after-the-fact punishment, why don't you really cook the
books and use your version of justice on the rest of your record book
that's full of lies and hypocrisies. You want to talk about violations,
you can all but say goodbye to just about every national champion you
choose to acknowledge in football. The basketball record book would be
even more of a disaster to rewrite.
Textbooks?
You're
nailing Alabama for self-reporting a violation of a few players selling
textbooks?! Take a look at the history of the school and that's
what you're going to take away wins for? Crack a history book about the
sport you allegedly oversee and retroactively start forcing programs to
start vacating wins based on everything that's become common knowledge
... good luck with that.
Don't just stop at Alabama's textbooks,
NCAA, grow a pair and force UCLA to vacate the ten men's basketball
national championships won under John Wooden thanks to the involvement
of uber-booster Sam Gilbert. Force Michigan State to vacate wins for
games that admitted steroid abuser Tony Mandarich played in. Do the same
for any win Oklahoma came up with when Brian Bosworth was playing. And
while you're at it, how about addressing these two words: Reggie Bush.
And that would just cover your Friday morning.
The fact of the
matter is that the NCAA needs Alabama football, just like it needs USC,
Ohio State, Oklahoma, and every other superstar program, yet instead of
handing out real punishment for its own bizarre rules, it weasels out of
having to do anything tough by forcing programs to vacate wins. Like the
Alabama record books aren't going to acknowledge the 2005 to 2007
seasons, anyway.
Yes, Alabama might get nailed for being a repeat
violator and might have to lose scholarships and other things based on
this latest incident, but none of it matters. The wins happened, Alabama
football will be a powerhouse again this year and for the next several
seasons under Nick Saban, and life will go on.
Alabama's 2009
team doesn't care. The team is 100% focused on Virginia Tech and isn't
going to care about a little bit of bookkeeping. More to the point, this
punishment, if you can call it that, isn't going to stop unpaid college
players with no money and no way of making any extra income from
breaking a few goofy rules.
So now the ball is in your court,
NCAA. Either start governing major college athletics and come up with
punishments with some teeth to them, or stop wasting everyone's time by
pretending to have some sort of real authority. And while you're at it,
how about tailoring your rules so they're not begging to be busted. No
one's following them anyway, so it's time to undergo an overhaul on how
you conduct your business.
And along the way, Alabama has a
message for you ... vacate this.