DG on PX - 40 Pac 10 Promises for 2009

Before the season kicks off Thursday, 40 promises, predictions and projections are put down on the record.

I promise nothing that happens in the 2009 season will surprise me.

I promise not to call for a coach’s head. I promise not to call for a change at quarterback. I promise, if not equal time, that every team in the Pac-10 will get equal enthusiasm in this space – even if I’m writing about Washington State.

I promise not to overreact when USC blasts Ohio State in the Horseshoe. I promise to overreact if the Trojans get out of Autzen on Halloween in position to play for the national title. I promise to go crazy if the Pac-10 scores a win over the SEC, especially at Tennessee or Georgia. I promise to go crazy if the Pac-10 gets skunked by the MWC.

I promise no more puns about Jahvid Best. I promise not to read any story about Best that has a pun in the headline or lede. I promise not to doubt Best’s pro prospects if he gets shut down by USC again. I promise to be a little concerned about Best’s pro prospects if he gets shut down by Maryland again.

I promise never to refer to the following players by their former schools: Damian Williams, Mitch Mustain, Kai Maiava, James Montgomery and Nyan Boateng. I promise to always refer to Emmanuel Moody as “USC transfer Emmanuel Moody” for being crazy enough to think Urban Meyer would make him a feature back.

I promise not to question where all the Pac-10 quarterbacks have gone (after this week). I promise not to question the growing pains of Matt Barkley, Andrew Luck, Kevin Prince or whoever starts for Arizona. I promise not to question the growing pains of Arizona State’s Brock Osweiler when he is starting by midseason. I promise to say ‘I told you so’ when Danny Sullivan is replaced by Osweiler. I promise to say “I told you so’ when Jeff Tedford starts Brock Mansion at least once this year.

I promise to always refer to James and Jacquizz as the Brothers Rodgers because it sounds cooler that way. I promise not to doubt Oregon State if it starts slowly. I promise not to be surprised if Oregon State subsequently catches fire by midseason. I promise not to refer to Oregon as ‘this year’s Oregon State’ if the Ducks start slowly and catch fire by midseason.

I promise never to call for a BCS disaster scenario until Thanksgiving. I promise never to choose a BCS buster until Thanksgiving.

I promise to side with Oklahoma over Texas in any BCS title shenanigans simply because of the Sooners’ non-conference schedule. I promise to have an aneurism if Texas and Florida play for the championship, simply because you’ll never see another quality out-of-conference game again. I promise the same result if Penn State in ranked in the top two of the BCS.

I promise to overreact if Mike Stoops loses his cool at a critical moment. I promise to overreact if Chip Kelly breaks out an awesome trick play at the perfect moment. I promise to overreact if Sark succeeds in turning Jake Locker into a USC robo-QB. I promise to overreact if Jim Harbaugh speaks in English, not Harbaugh-ese. I promise to overreact if Pete Carroll goes five minutes without saying ‘compete.’ I promise to overreact if I hear Rick Neuheisel speak for five minutes and I don’t confuse him with Carroll. I promise to overreact if Jeff Tedford makes Kevin Riley ‘the new Longshore’ and Mansion ‘the new Riley.’ I promise to overreact if Paul Wulff leads the Cougs to a winning record at any point this season. I promise to overreact if Dennis Erickson actually fields an offensive line. I promise to overreact if Mike Riley is finally recognized as coach of the year nationally.

I promise this is the last column in this format you’ll ever read from me.

Unless Charleston Southern beats Florida. Then I promise the preceding 39 promises are null and void.