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Cavalcade of Whimsy - Boot The Big East

CollegeFootballNews.com
Posted Sep 15, 2009


Or maybe not. Should the Big East be booted out of the BCS for the Mountain West? What are the biggest lies in college football? Is it possible that Michigan and Notre Dame aren't getting enough credit? All this, Jim Harbaugh's bathroom and a lot more in this week's Cavalcade of Whimsy.

Cavalcade of Whimsy

Sept. 15

Past Cavalcades
- 2008 Season | Sept. 1, Part 1 | Sept. 1 - Part 2
- Week 1 (The Bradford shoulder)

Sorry if this column sucks, it’s not my fault … ESPN is chirping because it was the most-viewed column in the network’s history, beating every regular season and bowl game they’ve ever shown. However, the 10.6 million viewers for the biggest non-conference column of the year between two superpowers were fewer than, for example, the 11 million that watched Texas vs. Texas Tech last season on ABC. Putting big games on ESPN instead of a network is a major step backwards for college football, and I’m not letting this go.

Notre Dame would've won if it worked extra hard ... like Michigan did. …
There’s the old card player adage that if you’re looking around the table and can’t figure out who the sucker is, it’s you. That’s sort of how I feel when it comes to Michigan and Notre Dame. I can’t believe I’m writing this … where’s the love and respect for (choking back my Eggo) the Wolverines and Irish?

It was a shocking enough that Notre Dame didn’t get the name-recognition, benefit-of-the-doubt top 25 nod in the latest Coaches Poll, checking in at No. 30, but it’s jaw-dropping that Michigan, considering everyone watched the win over the Irish, was on the outside looking in at No. 26. Talk about not getting any respect; Missouri struggles at home against Bowling Green, North Carolina struggles against Connecticut, and Utah has been totally average, and they’re in, but Michigan, brand name and all, is out. That might be seen as progress by some, but it might be more of a case of everyone being late to the bandwagon.

I know bad Michigan and Notre Dame teams. I’ve seen bad Michigan and Notre Dame teams. These are not bad Michigan and Notre Dame teams. I have a strange gut feeling that what happened in Ann Arbor on Saturday was more special than it’s currently being given credit for, and we’re all going to look back at that game three months from now and realize it was a season-defining classic.

Yes, it really might have been as easy as bringing in Tate Forcier to change around Michigan. Remember, when Rich Rodriguez was rocking and rolling at West Virginia, he had Pat White, Steve Slaton, and a bunch of guys. It’s not like the place was a factory for NFL talent. There were very good college players who knew their roles around two superior talents, and there certainly wasn’t the overall skill level to work with that Rodriquez has at Michigan. Forcier, Denard Robinson, and Brandon Minor, who was terrific against the Irish, might be all the Wolverines need to get the offense rolling, and then everything else might simply be falling into in place.

Meanwhile, the near-impossible has happened and a starting quarterback for Notre Dame has become underrated, undervalued, and underappreciated. Fine, so Hawaii’s 2008 secondary stunk, and Nevada’s pass defense that finished dead-last in America last year wasn’t supposed to be great coming into this season, but over his last three games, Jimmy Clausen might have been the best quarterback in college football. Against the Warriors, Wolf Pack, and Wolverines, Clausen completed 72% of his passes for 1,052 yards (351 yards per game) with 12 touchdown passes and no interceptions. And yes, I’ll say it, the 1-2 receiving punch of Michael Floyd and Golden Tate is the best in the history of Notre Dame football, and they’re going to show why throughout the rest of the season.

Again, I can’t believe I’m the one who’s pointing out the obvious (and no, not that Charlie Weis needs to untuck his shirt and go to the Heavy D House of Style), but this Irish team can actually play. Remember how the offensive line got the quarterbacks killed over the last few years? This year’s line has yet to allow a sack, and Nevada and Michigan have tremendous pass rushing talent. The defensive front has been good at getting into the backfield, the special teams are fine, and the defense did a phenomenal job of shutting down the Nevada running game. That’s not to say the Irish can’t lose to Michigan State this week, the Spartans are better than they showed against Central Michigan, but it’s time to stop assuming that the plan isn’t working.

The same goes for Michigan, who now should have expectations and honest dreams of a Big Ten title. Penn State and Ohio State come to Ann Arbor, Iowa looks beatable, and Illinois isn’t that great. Set the bar at 9-2 before the showdown with the Buckeyes, with losses against Penn State and at Wisconsin, but considering where the program was a few weeks ago, this is a dream come true for Wolverine fans.

”We wear caps and sleeves at this level, son! Understood?” … Michigan jack-of-all-trades QB Denard Robinson is now becoming known for not tying his shoes, and every time he touches the ball the announcer feels the need to bring this up. RichRod, be the adult here. Tell him that this is Michigan, this is big-time, corporate college football, and before he loses a shoe or something weird happens in a game, pretty please, with sugar on top, tie your (bleep)ing shoes.

”Melon, I told you to clean my locker. If it’s too much for you we’ll get ourselves a new towel boy.” … Tate Forcier looks like he could’ve been typecast in the roles of Chas Osborne and Johnny Lawrence (although he doesn’t look like Billy Zabka) as the jerkweed antagonist in several 1980s movies.

“Actually, I rather enjoy the bathing.” … A goofy Stanford superfan donated $50,000 to redo the office bathroom of Stanford head coach Jim Harbaugh. The bathroom has been estimated to cost closer to $70,000 to do, but when it’s all done, Harbaugh will have the Taj Mahal of palaces. Forgetting that 70K buys you a whole block of houses in Detroit, isn’t this the dream? Isn’t a ridiculously expensive bathroom what we’re all shooting for? I have an office bathroom with my own shower, and as awesome as it is, I want the tricked out, souped-up john.

For $70,000, my Jim Harbaugh Dream Bathroom would include …
- Another bathroom inside the bathroom. When the main one gets a bit dirty.
- A blow drying cozy. You step out of the shower or Jacuzzi and into an area that has blow-dryers hitting you in all areas and all angles at the same time. It would be like the end of a car wash.
- Bathing assistants similar to the ones “cleaning” Akeem in Coming To America.
- A Starbucks
- A lock that actually works, unlike the one for my bathroom that my kids have figured out how to pop open.
- Poor people who have to stand in the corner with their backs to me Blair Witch style, while others are off in another corner doing manual labor for pennies. True opulence can’t be fully enjoyed without constant reminders that everyone else’s life sucks.

I’m sure there are plenty of high-minded people out there who’ll complain in one way or another about such an extravagant bathroom for a football coach when the world is going into the toilet, but it’s being paid for with private money. If the fencing team brought in a dime of revenue, then it might get a quirky perk, too.

And the slapping his hands on the ground whenever he crosses midfield is a bit much …
Why is Greg Paulus the starting quarterback for Syracuse? Football coaches are all about winning the next game and are woefully short on longview thinking, so it’s not surprising that new head coach Doug Marrone went with the former Duke point guard under center. But Syracuse isn’t good, and when the program is good again, Paulus will be wearing a suit-and-tie while cold-calling widows and idiot sons to buy shares of Teldar Paper. The football program needs a spark and it needs fans to come to the Dome like it was a Syracuse basketball game, but consistently winning puts the butts in the seats. Marrone and Syracuse should use this time to develop the young talent, like Ryan Nassib or Charley Loeb, just to see if they can play. Throwing Paulus, a fifth-year senior, out there doesn’t do the program a lick of good.

And yes, in about ten games, Barkley will be ready, too … $28 million in the bank, 18-of-31, 272 yards, and a touchdown in a 24-7 win over the Houston Texans. Pete Carroll, exactly why isn’t Mark Sanchez making the right decision to turn pro early?

Hopefully, the rest of you were doing something better with your lives … I’d rather be forced to watch a depressing and demoralizing NatGeo show about some little girl who inexplicably cries blood than sit through San Diego vs. Oakland on a Monday night after a fantastic football weekend, but I had a fantasy interest so I stayed through the end. I sat slack-jawed at the color-commenter tandem of Mike Golic, who’s as thought-provoking on his radio as Jay Leno eating a piece of Wonder bread, and Steve Young (Mike Greenberg was the play-by-play man) and how tremendous they were. They might not have been polished, and they stepped on each other’s toes a bit, but they actually avoided talking down to the football stupid and they did the near-impossible by adding to the broadcast and making it more interesting to watch.

They were fantastic at not only criticizing when needed, but by teaching and pointing out from a true veteran player’s perspective what was going on. They went through the trouble of talking like real football analysts and pointed out the insider things that no one would ever notice when watching at home. College football needs better TV analysts. Chris Spielman might be a bit raw, but he’s the best at getting inside the game and pointing out the subtle nuances. Bob Davie is strong at that, too. We don’t want to hear Dave at the end of the bar-type comments from talking head jocks; we want to know what’s going on and why. College football fans deserve better.

”I hope you have a big trunk, because I’m putting my bike in it.” … Put it up there with, “Do you believe in miracles?” and “Y.E. Yang? Y.E.S!!!” The always excitable (and always rock-solid) Wayne Larrivee stamped his imprint at the end of Minnesota’s new TCF Bank Stadium-christening win over Air Force. “The Bank is open and the Gophers just made their first deposit.” The over-under on how many times he practiced that in the car on the way to the game: 7.5.

Sure, you like it now, but there will be a time in mid-November when you’ll be dreaming of the 71-degrees of the Dome … The new Minnesota stadium is fantastic. It has all the perks, and the extravagances, and it’s a fantastic venue that should give the team a huge advantage down the road. Supposedly, the opening day was close to perfect with a nod to great Gopher teams of the past and with a feeling that a new, successful era really was beginning. And then the team showed up in the dirty-banana yellow uniforms. Wearing those abominations, instead of the terrific maroon home unis, in a stadium like that is the equivalent of wearing a tuxedo t-shirt and rainbow suspenders to a wedding at the Four Seasons.

The C.O.W. airing of the grievances followed by the feats of strength I know, I know, it’s been a week since this happened and the bit has been done to death. Darn it, I want to pile on and have my fun. In honor of that oh-so-wacky representative from the good, but not necessarily great state of South Carolina, Joe Wilson, here are ten accepted aspects of the college football world that are wrong. In other words … You Lie!!!

10. Sam Bradford is the No. 1 pick in the 2010 NFL Draft
With his size, arm, and smarts, he looks like another Tom Brady running Oklahoma’s spread offense. He’s deadly accurate, has a little bit of mobility, and he has all the basic tools to be someone’s franchise quarterback for the next ten years. Several scouting systems and every draft guru have him as the sure-thing No. 1 overall pick if and when he comes out next year.

You Lie!!! … Bradford might look like another Brady, and he might be another Brady, but he might only fit in the same type of spread offense (and yes, it is a spread offense with a fullback) that New England runs. Brady takes shots, but when he’s under pressure the offense breaks down. His genius is his ability to get rid of the ball before there’s a problem, and while Bradford is whip-smart, it’s asking a lot for him to get the same coaching, the same players around him, and the same system that Brady has. And then there’s the pressure issue. It’s no coincidence that OU’s offense has struggled in the games that Bradford has been sacked the most. Most of the true NFL insiders have Bradford rated somewhere around the mid-to-late first round, if that, with a major concern that he can’t take a punch. The biggest indicator of where his stock will be is how the rest of this season plays out. He can come back from his shoulder injury if he wants to play through the pain, and there are several interested NFL teams interested in seeing if he has the toughness to do it.

9. Players under 20 can’t handle the physical nature of the NFL
The reason players can’t make the jump from high school to the pros right away in football is because the NFL wants to keep the free and easy minor league system of college football in place. It’s a perfect situation for both college football and the NFL. Young stars get to spend a few years making the schools rich, they get to develop their talents without anyone having to pay anything, and there’s a natural weeding out process with the cream of the talent rising to the top. There’s also a belief that the NFL doesn’t want young bodies that haven’t matured yet. The NFL is a nasty, brutal place, and it’s no place for kids.

You Lie!!! … You know who can’t handle the rigors of the NFL? Everybody. Every NFL player suffers major injuries and every player who hangs around the league for a few years will leave with some debilitating medical issue that will haunt him for the rest of his life. In today’s day and age of advanced training, camps, and coaches, players are more physically fit than ever before when they come out of high school. If a player is ready, he’s ready. The NFL should have a developmental system for guys who want to work only on getting prepared for football at the highest level, but without one, the NFL rosters should be expanded to allow young players to develop. Dez Bryant is ready now. Gerald McCoy is ready now. Adrian Peterson was ready as a freshman. If teenagers can play English Premier League soccer or live a jet-setting life as tennis stars, then they should be given the chance to see what they can do in the NFL.

8. Terrelle Pryor is good, but he isn’t going to be great playing for Ohio State
There’s the old joke that the only person who could stop Michael Jordan was Dean Smith (although Dan Dakich could be added to the short list). The same might be true of Terrelle Pryor, who was everyone’s No. 1 superstar recruit two years ago. He chose Ohio State, where it’s looking early on like he’s suffering under the weight of playing a conservative brand of Tressel-ball. His accuracy isn’t there, he’s not being allowed to run as much as he should, and he might be a big-time talent being wasted in the wrong system. At least that’s how it looks early on.

You Lie!!! … In 2004, Vince Young completed 60% of his passes for 1,849 yards and 12 touchdowns with 11 interceptions for Texas. He also ran for 1,079 yards and 14 scores, and he was considered a running-only quarterback who threw only when he had to. As a junior, he turned into an all-timer of an all-around playmaker completing 65% of his passes for 3,036 yards and 26 touchdowns, while he also ran for 1,050 yards and 12 scores. Last year, Terrelle Pryor showed off glimpses of becoming a special player. He led a smart, tough, decisive game-winning drive to beat Wisconsin in Madison, and he led the way to a BCS appearance and a game against Texas he would’ve won had the defense been able to come up with a late stop. Had his D stopped USC on the final fourth quarter drive last Saturday, he would’ve been the quarterback who beat the mighty Trojans. Instead, Matt Barkley, who had an awful game before the final few minutes, is being hailed as the next big thing. Call this a minor step back to take a giant leap forward. Pryor will get the passing game down and he’ll be more confident and more polished all-around playmaker, and eventually, he’ll start using that 4.3 speed more and more. Give him time. He’s not a finished product.

7. Technically, if you’re calling Dr. Love, aren’t you trying to reach Paul Stanley?
The party isn’t going anywhere. The DJ is playing a hardcore trance track that isn’t getting the crowd moving, even though it technically should work and would be a killer in the right setting. In comes Dr. Dre to try to save the day by slowing things down. Way down. But there’s absolutely no way he can pull the festivities out of a nosedive with such a low BPM and with half the crowd hopped up on sugar from all the Dr. Pepper they’ve been firing down. This party has no chance.

You Lie!!! … Wait a minute. As Dre correctly points out, butts are wiggling and jiggling, hands are in the air, and roofs are being raised. Holy 23 flavors; this actually worked. We should’ve trusted him. He’s a doctor.

6. The ACC stinks
It’s becoming fashionable to pile drive on the poor ACC, and why not? This was supposed to be the year when everything was going to come together and the conference was going to attain its superpower status that fans have been waiting for. And then came Virginia’s loss to William & Mary. And Duke’s loss to Richmond. And NC State’s snoozefest at home against South Carolina. And Wake Forest’s home loss to Baylor. And Maryland’s blasting by Cal and struggles against James Madison. And Virginia Tech’s loss to Alabama. All of a sudden, the ACC is hiding its head in a bag in an “Oh father” moment. This is a disastrous start for the conference.

You Lie!!! … It hasn’t been a good first two weeks for the ACC, but outside of the SEC, it’s not like anyone else is rocking the Casbah. And even the SEC has warts with Georgia losing at Oklahoma State, Ole Miss looking like garbage against Memphis, Tennessee losing to UCLA, and LSU struggling too much with Washington. (It has also helped that the wins outside of Bama’s victory over Virginia Tech have come against the Little Sisters of the Poor.) The Pac 10 and Big East have been fine, but the Big 12 needs to come up with something big in a hurry after Colorado has embarrassed itself, Oklahoma lost to BYU, Kansas State lost to Louisiana-Lafayette, and Oklahoma State lost to Houston. Yes, the ACC needs to do a lot more and it needs a few splashy wins soon, but every conference deserves to be under the microscope.

5. SI Cover Jinx
Oklahoma State was riding high after the win over Georgia. It was supposed to be the time when the program arrived, Oklahoma was reeling, and Sports Illustrated had Dez Bryant on the national cover, and not just another regional version that doesn’t hold the same prestige. But, of course, the dreaded SI cover jinx reared its ugly head, and the Cowboys lost to Houston 45-35.

You Lie!!! … If there’s even a miniscule part of you that believes that Oklahoma State lost to Houston because it was on the cover of a magazine, then here’s a stick and a rubber band and you can go sit over there with the people who believe a no-hitter will be broken up by saying the words, no hitter. You’ll also be with those who believe that a lucky shirt will help their team win (fine, that’s me), those who believe that their team will suddenly stop playing well if they change positions on the couch (crap, guilty as charged), and those who willingly choose to put untested poisons in their bodies in the fruitless hope to make that certain part of the male anatomy larger. Houston played better, played a sharper offensive game, a more focused defensive game, and won. That’s it. The only jinx surrounding Sports Illustrated is the new world of the Internet that makes the magazine irrelevant.

4. The lesser-known programs can play with anyone
Once again, there have been a ton of major upsets all across the board. From Central Michigan beating Michigan State, Louisiana-Lafayette over Kansas State, Toledo over Colorado, Hawaii over Washington State (fine, that’s not an upset), and Boise State blasting Oregon, there have been plenty of big wins by the teams from the little conferences, not to mention scares from teams like Bowling Green against Missouri and Fresno State against Wisconsin to go along with FCS wins over Virginia and Duke. The little guys really can play with the big boys and deserve more respect in the rankings and on a weekly basis.

You Lie!!! … Notice the Mountain West isn’t included anywhere here. It’s one of the big leagues, even if the BCS doesn’t acknowledge it. Yeah, there might be several big upsets and a lot of crazy moments to suggest that there’s parity, but for every MAC shocker over the Big Ten, there are three Penn State over Akron-type blowouts. For every Sun Belt stunner over the Big 12, there are several more pastings like Nebraska over Arkansas State and Florida Atlantic. There will always be a few shocking performances every year, but don’t read anything into them more than crazy occurrences on the right afternoon. They’re fun, and they keep college football interesting during an early September weekend of bad matchups, but there are very few of them compared to all the blowouts.

3. Colorado
With a ton of injuries contributing to the team’s inconsistencies, Colorado had a rough year when the rest of the Big 12 was rocking and rolling. The defense played well, but the offense couldn’t get anything going. However, this year was supposed to be different. Not only were several key players healthy, but the players who were thrown to the wolves last year provided experienced depth. Cody Hawkins was going into his third year at quarterback, the light had gone on for super-recruit running back, Darrell Scott, and the defense had the potential to be nasty with the right breaks. Colorado was going to have its resurgent year and Dan Hawkins would finally have the program winning big again.

You Lie!!! … The defense hasn’t just been bad; it’s been worst-in-the-nation level bad at times, especially against the pass. The offensive line has been a disaster, Scott hasn’t done anything, even though he leads the team in rushing averaging 43 yards per game, and Cody Hawkins has been horrendous. He’s not getting a ton of time, but he’s struggling with his consistency even when he gets room to breathe. The good and the bad for Dan Hawkins is that the schedule gets tougher. While the Buffs could get blasted if they play against Texas, West Virginia and Kansas like they played against Colorado State and Toledo, they’ll also get the chance to right the ship in a hurry. There are two very winnable Big 12 road games against Kansas State and Iowa State, and Nebraska, Missouri and Kansas have to come to Boulder. But that only matters if the team is playing night-and-day better.

2. Golden Age of College Football
With so many big games, so many great players, and so much media attention, this is truly the Golden age of College Football. Never before have teams, players, and storylines been so easily accessed with the Internet, satellite TV and radio, and several college sports channels giving fans more than they could’ve ever dreamed of ten years ago. College football is a multi-billion dollar industry with the interest and excitement at an all-time high.

You Lie!!! … If college football is so big, then why was USC – Ohio State on ESPN while NASCAR was on ABC (no, I won’t let this go)? The coverage and the scrutiny is unprecedented, and the sport is far, far better than it was “back in the day” when the voting in the polls was done by a rumor, the Heisman went to the best Notre Dame or Army player, and the teams were all one color, and I’m not talking about the uniforms. However, college football was never more relevant than it was in the 1920s. The NFL is king now, just like baseball ruled the world back then, but college football used to be a close second by a razor-thin margin. Because pro football was an oddity, the college game got all the attention, and because there wasn’t TV, fans had to pack stadiums to see the stars of the day while legendary writers made the stars into mythical, larger-than-life figures. College football is different now, and it’s better, but it’s not necessarily bigger. Your mom might not know who Tim Tebow is, but your great-great grandma certainly knew who Red Grange was.

1. The Big East should be kicked out of the BCS for the Mountain West
Because of the emergence of the Mountain West in recent years, with Utah, BYU, and TCU playing so well on the big stages, and with a sprinkling of wins here and there by the league’s lesser teams over the BCS schools, the league deserves the sixth automatic spot in the BCS and the Big East should be booted out. Cincinnati? Connecticut? Louisville? These are basketball schools, and if they have any success on the gridiron there’s a little bit of attention, but that’s from fans waiting for Midnight Madness to start up. The ratings are mediocre for Big East games, and the conference is permanently crippled after losing Virginia Tech, Miami, and Boston College. It’s the Mountain West’s time.

You Lie!!! … Utah was fantastic against Alabama in the 2009 Sugar Bowl, and BYU shocked Oklahoma in the season opener this season. TCU is the real deal, and the Mountain West owned the Pac 10 throughout most of last year. If you want to include the Mountain West in the BCS party, then fine. The league already has a permanent spot (for the most part) just by getting its champion to finish in the top 12 of the final BCS rankings, but it should probably get the seventh automatic bid. If you want to kick one league out and keep it at six leagues, then the Big East shouldn’t be booted. The Big Ten probably should.

Actually, to be more accurate, the Mountain West shouldn’t be included. When you say the Big East should be booted out from the BCS, what are you basing this on? The perception is that the league can’t win the big games, and while that’s true, it wins a whole bunch of decent ones. If you took all six BCS leagues, along with the Mountain West, over the last three years and the first two weeks of this season, which league is the best in non-conference play against other BCS teams, the Mountain West, and Notre Dame?

No. 1 overall is the SEC, who has won 56% of those non-conference games, but it’s top-heavy. Florida, Georgia, and LSU account for most of the wins, but 56% is still impressive. No. 2 is the Pac 10, winning 55% of those non-conference games, but USC is the one to thank for that. The Trojans account for 11 of the wins, and if you take them out of the equation, the Pac 10 has won just 47%.

And then comes the stunner. The only other league to win more than half of its games over the last three years against BCS teams, the Mountain West, and Notre Dame is the Big East coming out on the right side 53% of the time. So where’s the Mountain West?

The Big 12 is No. 4 winning 48% of those games, carried by Texas, the Big Ten is No. 5, winning 47% of those games (brought down by Ohio State), and the Mountain West is sixth winning 46% of those games. While that’s still relatively impressive, it’s not like the league is ripping up the outside world, and the results are disastrous if you take out TCU and Utah from the top-heavy league. Oh yeah, we’re missing one conference.

If you’re desperate to boot out a league from the BCS, the Big East isn’t the one you should focus on; the ACC is. While the conference is getting better, this year aside, it has only won 44% of those non-conference games.

Now cower in shame for yelling, or Nancy Pelosi will shoot you an icy stare.

Random Acts of Nutty … Provocative musings and tidbits to make every woman want you and every man want to be you (or vice versa) a.k.a. things I didn’t feel like writing bigger blurbs for.
- In the hay-ell no department of names, California RB Covaughn Deboskie-Johnson.
- For those of you who care about these things, if you have DirecTV and the NFL Sunday Ticket, the application for your phone will change your life. I almost cried at how cool it is to watch any NFL game on the phone. Also highly recommend is the XM/Sirius app.
- Purdue might not be any good, but this is one fun team to watch. Either Joe Tiller kept the wraps on Danny Hope, or else this is a whole new Boilermaker squad that’s playing like it did when Tiller first took over. Ralph Bolden is this year’s breakout, out-of-left-field, running back superstar.
- South Carolina is going to screw up someone’s season. This is the type of wild-card team with a good quarterback in Stephen Garcia, a great defense (the stats against Georgia were better than the score), and more of an attitude than in past years. Watch out for the November 14th game against Florida in Columbia.
- Every year at this time the cry goes out that the NFL overtime system has to be changed. Since the pro types are too blockheaded to admit that the college version is better, there’s a very simple solution to finally shut everyone up: sudden death after the first possession based on what happened on the drive. If Team A gets a field goal and Team B gets a touchdown, game over. If Team A and Team B are still tied after they each get a turn, then it’s sudden death. That takes the fluky coin-flip out of the equation.
- Sorry, Houston, but Kevin Sumlin is gone. He took what Art Briles started and made it better. This isn’t just a gimmicky Cougar team with a high-octane offense; this is a dangerous all-around squad that could beat Texas Tech in two weeks. He’ll be high on everyone’s hot list for new head coaches.

C.O.W. shameless gimmick item … The weekly five Overrated/Underrated aspects of the world
1) Overrated: Teams ranked No. 4 through No. 10 … Underrated: Ohio State at No. 11
2) Overrated: USC over Ohio State … Underrated: Georgia over South Carolina
3) Overrated: Kanye West ... Underrated: Serena Williams
4) Overrated: Watching USC vs. Ohio State in 3D ... Underrated: Putting a camera on the goal line to see if Damian Williams got in.
5) Overrated: The combination of the pain felt by Juice Williams when he hurt his leg, Sam Bradford when he hurt his shoulder, and Joe Theismann’s leg snapping in two ... Underrated: Peter Vecsey’s Hall of Fame speech

”I should be purged. I should be flogged. I shouldn’t walk among good people.” … The three lines this week that appear to be a tad off. I tried, I really did, but I’ve made a good portion of you a lot of money by going the other way (I’ve heard from some very happy investors who have gone against me week after week). Whatever works for you, fine. I’ll keep fruitlessly trying to hit these things anyway. … 1) Michigan State +11 over Notre Dame, 2) Rutgers -15 over FIU, 3) BYU -7 over Florida State
Week 2 Results: 1) Notre Dame -3.5 over Michigan (LOSS 38-34 Michigan), 2) Memphis +1 over Middle Tennessee (LOSS 31-14, MTSU), 3) Colorado -4 over Toledo (LOSS, 54-38 Toledo) … Record So Far: 1-5.

My Heisman ballot this week would be (if the college football season ended right now) …
1. Max Hall, QB BYU, 2) Tate Forcier, QB Michigan, 3) Case Keenum, QB Houston

Sorry this column sucked, it wasn’t my fault …
Me and my staff of veteran coaches couldn’t figure out how to stop a true freshman from marching down the field and beating us in the final moments in just his second game as a collegian.